Back in the '70s keeping a secret diary was thing. If it was REALLY secret would lock it with a useless, tiny key. But it made young minds think all the info was safe and secure.

I've heard that journaling is a good thing to do and as much as I enjoy writing I've never gotten in the habit of journaling. Most people who like to write also like knowing someone will reading.

This is the beginning of a journal for me. I'm not publishing it per se, but here it is online, in my webhome. If you're reading this welcome.

Saturday, December 11, 2021. Today wasn't a very good day for me. This begs the question: does journaling begin on bad, down days? So that one can explore the reasons in hopes of overcoming the pain? I don't really want to say why it was a bad day but it was.

I had every intention of putting the hose back how it was. I wanted to from the beginning. But he did it for me and kept saying, "you didn't do it; but you didn't; you didn't; you didn't do it. you didn't." I wanted to ! I was going to ! He wouldn't let me and he sought revenge, for nothing.

My heart pounded like it always does over such non-sensical eruptions. I was scared. I'm scared a lot of the time.

Tomorrow is our bible study Christmas party. I'm scared he won't go with me like he refused to do a few years back. I'll be okay though. I keep telling myself I'll be okay. And so will he. I hope he will be okay.

I really do love him. When I tell him that he says "no you don't." He argues about even that.

Monday, December 13, 2021. The bible study party was a lot of fun. Jeff and I both had hoarse voices but no one seemed to mind. The food was delicious and the company was comforting as always. He doesn't want to talk about the hose or anything else. He never wants to talk about hot-headed explosions. Just move on until the next scary one happens. I'm about to go under the carport to trim our Christmas tree. I like to decorate a tree only a couple weeks out from Christmas day. Three weeks or more is too long for me. Growing up we had a tree up a long time before 12/25 and it stayed up until January 1.

I'm praying this Christmas will be one filled with magic.